is your mom at the bar?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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