why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize