Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
