don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
