FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
