i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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