Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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