Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
