Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
