I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
