I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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