Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I am midnight drunk by noon
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
