i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
