i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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