I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
