We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Never underestimate the power of titties
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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