Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You ruined the universe
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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