The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You need a sexual gate keeper
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
