i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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