dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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