I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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