Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
