why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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