I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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