youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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