you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
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My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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