thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
