We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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