My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
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Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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