well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
