remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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