I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just had sex bonerless
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
