I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
