I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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