He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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