we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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