im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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