you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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