you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
