My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
