despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
