If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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