I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I believe in your delicious
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
