Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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