I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
did i just pee glitter
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
