Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
