Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
