My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
