i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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