writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
