My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
