Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
