did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
