Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
