Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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