Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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