Betty ford says i'm here all night
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
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I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
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I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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