I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
