how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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