I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
