The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
