you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I love you.
Bad choice
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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