actually, I'm a sock model
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He better not be in your backpack
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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