I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
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It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
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That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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