Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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