He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
