I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
