the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
