life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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