We're like a lot better than the average bears
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
