I am in a vortex of obligation.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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