Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
