the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
