Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
